you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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