go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
