Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
