you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
