How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why can't burritos get me drunk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
