Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
