why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
