I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
