I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
