HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
