so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
