Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
