I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
