I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
