Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you have to choose: penises or morals?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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