Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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