Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
