ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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