Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
