i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
