I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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