Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
