The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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