every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
