soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
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It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He did a backflip because drugs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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