Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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