i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
