i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
