i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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