pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
