god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
