there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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