how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
