i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
