i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
