we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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