history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
