Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
