Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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