so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
