Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
