alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
