I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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