shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need water and some morals
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