True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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