We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
