We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
