If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
