its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
