If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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