You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
