Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
