almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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