yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
