ya dads aren't the best wingmen
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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