i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
