so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
