you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
