Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
