There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
