god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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