Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
