She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
