well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
