The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
