she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
