Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
