If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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