Your mouth is God's brothel.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
