god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
