Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
