I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
