We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
