Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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