I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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