Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize