I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
